One Drunken Night
by t3h maniac
Summary: A spin off from Cue Rebounds, the girls go out on the Turk pub crawl, most know how it ends but how did it get to there? Rated M for drinking, language and slight Yuri. Now complete. With outtakes
1. Chapter 1

**One Drunken night**

**A/N: Okay if you read "Cue Rebounds" then this is what happened during chapter 3 and the footage that Joel obtained**

**If not, then it's a drunken night that turns into a lesbian orgy, enjoy!**

**Warning: Will contain Yuri smut, you no like. Then that's a big shame, I'm probably going to get flamed for this then.**

**Disclaimer: The plot is mine, it's the only thing that is mine in this fic.**

---

Leaving the seventh Heaven was the beginning of what was to be a long night for the seven ladies. 5 assassins, one ninja and a martial artist who has a chest that has lead to, let's say some unsavoury jokes involving silicone.

The Turk pub crawl was notorious although the people involved could never remember why. However it did stick in the minds of whoever had to ferry them around from bar to bar as often after the first two, they couldn't find the next one on the list if it was next door.

It had only been beaten on pure alcohol intake once.

In an alternate dimension there was a pub crawl around every street on the monopoly board. The person who started with it wound up on the moon of Saturn that kind of looks like a 'Death Star' (Insert "That's no moon jokes here) and ended up being the last human alive for 200 years, until a thousand of them were revived by nanobots who had previously turned a mining ship into a planetoid complete with electrical storms and mountain dew vending machines.

But back to the girl's night out.

Tifa had already endured ten wolf whistles and this was only the second bar! Kandi quickly ordered 7 of the hardest drinks on the menu

"I'll give you something hard." One of the male patrons jibed at the girls.

"So… what way do you want to kill him?" Elena asked

"Shuriken up the ass, it never gets old!" Yuffie smiled.

"I was gonna say go for the G-string around the neck, but shuriken up the ass does seem more fun" Katrina conceded

"Why do you always have to go for the perverted ways? Can't you just shoot or poison someone?" Elena asked.

"More fun." Ram said before taking her shot "I'd probably go with the poison claws during sex."

"You mean the method Niki used?" Kandi asked

"Yeah, get off and get the guy killed! Two birds, one stone."

"So what would you go for, Human vending machine?" Akalara asked Kandi.

"Probably I'd go for the whip sting technique"

"Whip-sting?" Said Tifa, confused because of 1. She hadn't heard the term before and 2. She had drunk the most of the group. 5 shots in 40 seconds, if only because the others were in a conversation.

"Some people are in to the whole bondage bull shit."

"Hey!" Akalara almost shouted "Just because Rude isn't in to the rough stuff doesn't make it bull shit."

"Whatever Ak" Kandi continued, "basically you put poison on the end of the whip and keep hitting them until they draw blood, then they're as good as dead!"

"Maybe I should try that" Elena spoke, more or less to herself.

"What 'bout yo 'Laney? Got a favourite way to take out that guy?"

"Break his neck, simple enough" She said.

"You're no fun!" Katrina moaned "Green Bitch?"

"Don't call me that Kat. Besides I'd probably spike him in the balls with a stiletto and shoot him in the face. Painful and efficient."

"What if the guy's a eunuch?" Yuffie chimed in.

"Still could kick him in the face." Akalara said defiantly before taking back her shot.

"What about you Tifa?" Kandi asked.

"What?" Tifa shouted

"Come on, we know you're a killer" Ram egged on.

"I am not!"

"Then how come you got an orgasm after killing something?" Yuffie asked

"What?!" Tifa was really getting angry now.

"You know when Cait Sith was spying on you, whenever you pummelled something to a bloody pulp, you did that little stretch afterwards"

"I have to stretch my muscles after a fight to avoid, you know, cramps!" Tifa said defensively

"Then what about that look on your face, especially after you put Reno in that hold, I mean shit, I didn't know someone with such a big chest could be so agile. I couldn't fuck him for a month after that incident," Akalara said, ordering another set of shots before continuing "every time, you got the look on your face as though someone was going down on you."

"Wasn't just Reno either" Elena said " Yuffie is my witness to the fact that you also had 'fun' beating me to shit."

"Okay so you got me! I have a slight fighting fetish, is that so wrong?" Tifa admitted, hanging her head in defeat.

"No, just you gave the guys there one hell of a show, Reeve even had footage of you during those fights, zoomed in, in slow motion" Kandi Joked.

"Fuck off!" Tifa yelled at the Turks causing them to snigger.

"Does Reeve seriously have that footage?" Ram asked.

"Yeah, I hacked into his computer system, there is some really weird shit on there." Kandi told her partner.

"Ahhh." Yuffie had finished her shot "Well now I'm sick of this house special, let's hit the next one!"

"Awesome!" The remaining girls agreed.

"You never did tell us your favourite way to kill a guy miss boobs."

"Fu-…..fuck off….Ni-, Kandi"

---

**Okay, this is probably going to be an M rated series and may or may not be the hub for the lesbian orgy references in the main story. Requests for bars (karaoke maybe?) and jokes afterwards are greatly appreciated**


	2. Chapter 2

**One Drunken Night**

**Chapter 2**

**Wow, haven't posted a second chapter for this in a while have I? Thought I'd better. And as for that Tifa enjoying fighting thing last chapter? That is because the pixilated model used for Tifa in battles is one where she is always smiling. Especially during the victory pose. Anyway, for the next chapter!**

**Disclaimer: Tifa, Elena and Yuffie are Square's. Kandi, Katrina and Ram are Amazon's and Akalara is Dantesdarkqueen's. Suffice to say, they do not belong to me.**

**---**

The ladies staggered out of the second bar after Yuffie took the phrase "spiking" a bit to literally. They had been thrown out after the hyper-active Ninja dropped a small shuriken in some ones drink. Who it was? They couldn't tell but it was possibly near the person who had tried a pick up line on her. Walking down the dimly lit street arm in arm. A few men lurking around corners had the gal to attempt to mug them but were quickly swatted away. The latest victim was currently clutching his nose in pain not 10 feet away from the group.

The next bar on the hit list was one that normally a Turk wouldn't think of entering on normal occasions. The music was to soft for one thing, too bubble gum. It was the bar where everybody managed to make total asses of themselves if they were drunk and gave the designated drivers a small portion of revenge on their smashed counter-parts. It was the bar and nightclub that had to have one of those arcade dancing games.

And the first thing someone who had enough alcohol in them to take down a full grown rhino was play on it.

Yuffie began to snicker "Hey boobs." She drawled "I bet I could kick your ass at that."

"Whi- which one Yuffster, there are…" she paused for a moment, taking in the number of machines that she could see "… four of them." She managed, swaying slightly.

"Bullshit!" Katrina exclaimed "there's only two of them."

"You girls really need to learn how to hold back the booze." Ram said while shaking her head. "There's only one machine and its occupied."

"Sho?" Kandi slurred.

"God I hate being the one who has to be slightly sober and responsible 24/7." Ram muttered to herself.

"Ish not my fault I don't function without having at least 2 bottles of vodka at night." Katrina said defensively. Ram face palmed.

"The things you'd do wrong without me…" She sighed.

"That's why you love us! As friends of course." Kandi replied.

"Okay, tournament style?" Elena asked.

"Howsh that going to work? There's 7 of us." Tifa asked. Katrina and Yuffie had sneaked off during the barely tangible conversation to try and relieve the people occupying the machine to get off. This of course involved Katrina asking as nicely as she could to the man of the couple and showing him some cleavage. Just enough to convince him but not enough for it to go beyond that.

"Fuck girl, you've gotta teach me how to do that." Yuffie commented

"Nah, you're too flat." Katrina retorted.

"Oh you are so getting owned for that one."

"Bring it on."

"Its already brung."

Both girls paused for a moment at the ninja's last comment. "Lame." They both agreed before stepping on to the machine and accidentally picking the hardest song to dance to, they both got on to the good start with the alcohol not seemed to have dulled there senses or skills at all. It was one minute into the song and so far they hadn't missed one single step between them. Until of course the other women in the troupe had spotted them and started cheering for them.

"Kick her ninja ass Trina!"

"Show her that your not just the female Reno!"

"Teach her a lesson Yuffie!"

"This can not end well…"

And right on cue, the two turned around out of distraction and stumbled into each other. Yuffie being the smaller of the two was pushed over and into the crowd of people causing a domino effect to take place knocking down half the patrons leaving the two women at the centre of the whole scenario laughing on the floor before pulling each other up. The song was about to end when Yuffie quickly took the opportunity to place her left hand quickly on the right pad, just giving her the win.

"Cheater." Kandi growled trying to hold back a grin. Yuffie just stuck her tongue out.

"My turn!" Akalara shouted, pulling Elena up for a turn.

"Hey!" said one of the people who was in line for the machines before the two women collapsed on them.

"Shut up, most people would have died for the chance to have me fall on them." Said Yuffie.

"Nothing like a bit of ego to help with the fact your panties are now on the floor." Kandi commented sending Yuffie into a fit searching around for hr lost lingerie "gotcha!" Kandi said as the Turks broke out in laughter.

Tifa took another sip of her drink before throwing it down Kandi's black top. "Hey!" The indignant Amazon shouted.

"I just wondered if you brought any chocolate with you, I need something to eat." Tifa said with an innocent expression on her face.

"You could have just asked you know."

"I didn't want to be disappointed if there weren't anything hidden in that sexy little thing."

All the women paused and stared at Tifa in shock.

"What did I say?" Tifa asked.

"Did you… just call my outfit sexy?" Kandi managed, the shock of Tifa's second to last sentence cancelling out the alcohol.

"So? What else was I supposed to say to describe it?"

"Fair point." Kandi admitted, she was really flattered. If the girl with breasts the Size of volleyballs was saying she looked sexy in her get up, it must be. She thought to herself dismissing all possibilities that Tifa was into women at all.

---

**Let this be a lesson, DDR and drink does not mix well. But if you are already drunk then chances are you won't care. **

**Random FFIX friendly monster: I would appreciate a review.**


	3. Chapter 3

**One Drunk Night part 3**

**A/N: I would like to make a following announcement. I have changed my pen name. That is all.**

**Wait, What? I used a colon just to tell my subscribers that my pen-name has changed? What the fuck? Most people already know it by now anyway. **

**Real A/N: Yes this fic is alive and well. It hasn't been updated because I have too many damn fics going on at once plus revision for my January exams, one of which is on Tuesday. So it can get a bit hectic. Anyway, enjoy.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own the characters or locations, or one of the jokes. You'll know which one it is when you see it.**

**---**

3 bars down… a number yet to go. That was one of the problems with any sort of bar crawl. You loose count after the second… or was it the third… whatever, the point is you loose count on the number of bars you drink at. As well as forgetting which one was next on the list so it was not an uncommon occurrence to walk into the wrong bar.

Say accidentally walking into an all male gay bar for one thing.

Hey, it can happen!

---

The actual fourth bar on the list was about one block away, the girls however made the mistake of turning right out of the DDR machine bar instead of left. The place they found themselves in was not their usual spot.

"God what is this place? I thought we left the last one to escape from the tuti fruity shit, not to make it worse!" Kandi groaned.

"Please, at least its clean, the drinks are good too. Hopefully." Yuffie said in response, staggering over to the bar.

"She cannot hold her licker, can she Kat?" Asked Elena pointing and sniggering at the Wutain.

"Hey, maybe this place isn't so bad. I mean look at all the guys here. They're so desperate for some action that they're making out with themselves!" Akalara said.

"I don't think they're practicing…" Tifa said.

"Oh." The Turks said in unison, realising what kind of bar this was.

"Oh…" Their tone picking up, indicating an interest.

"Ohhhh!" Now smiles plastering their faces, the imaginations running wild.

"Oh." They said dejectedly.

"What are the odds we'll see Reno in here?" Ram asked innocently. Causing them to all laugh out in unison and a certain red-head who had just entered, on upon seeing the group, to back away silently and leg it down the street. Yuffie returned with an angry look on her face. Katrina looked over the ninja's shoulder to see the bartender clutching his nose.

"Stupid prick wont serve me!" Yuffie complained, stamping her foot.

"That's because Yuff," snigger "It's an all male gay bar." Elena told her.

"What are the odds we'll find Reno here?" Yuffie asked.

"Already done that joke." Ram told her.

"Damn."

"We'll then ladies," Akalara began "we have two options, burn this place to the ground or go find somewhere else."

"I vote torch the place!" Katrina squealed, raising her hand.

"Me too!" Yuffie piped in.

"No." Was the stern reply from Elena and Yuffie. The three who wanted to raise some hell dejectedly went along with what the superior said.

---

The _actual _fourth bar on the list was a small sports pub by the activity centre. There was rock on the music players and the drinks were very strong. The only real complaint was that the people in the bar tended to get a bit rowdy if there was a divided opinion about a game. Often this would start at general yelling before breaking into a brawl.

Not the sort of place you want to be if you can't take care of yourself but for people who were itching to punch someone it was perfect.

"Now _this _is more like it!" Kandi said taking a drink of her beer.

"Shh, the Kalm Cougars are playing the Junon Jesters." Kandi scowled at the barman, he wasn't wrong however. All the men were crowded around a large TV set on the sports channel. There was a clear divide between the groups though indicating a divided support.

A volatile situation to say the least, it only required one person to say the other team sucked and there would be a shove, then a punch, and then someone would crack a bottle over someone's head.

So it was typical that Yuffie would sneak up behind one group of supporters and said in her deepest possible voice "Jesters are crap."

The effect was instantaneous, voices were raised between the two sides, Yuffie backed away towards the girls with a smile plastered across her face.

"Why did you do that Yuffie?" Tifa scolded, Yuffie merely shrugged her shoulders.

"Bored." Was the one word response. The Turks smiled as they saw the scene unfold before them.

"Wanna join in?" Katrina asked her co-workers.

"Nah, I'm good." Elena said.

"Absolutely not. One of us is going to have to break it up since _you_ started it." Tifa said, staring daggers at Yuffie and Katrina.

"How are we going to break up a bar brawl?" Asked Kandi, quite content to just watch the whole fight.

"You could try flashing them!" Akalara joked before someone was send sprawling into the group, knocking over her drink. "Oh it's on now."

The Turk charged into the scene, followed by the remainder of the Turks and Yuffie. They were just to eager for them not to have a fight. The drunks were quickly dealt with, not as fast as they would have done normally but bare in mind the copious quantities of alcohol consumed.

"Umm excuse me… they're picking up the tab." Tifa said to the barman, pointing towards the women who were decimating the regular patrons.

---

**Ah the bar brawl. Apologies to Amazon Turk as this was supposed to be her suggestion but I just didn't have enough material to make the gay bar idea stretch out and fill an entire chapter.**


	4. Chapter 4

**One Drunken Night**

**Part 4**

**Right, this hasn't been updated in a while…**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Tifa or Yuffie, they belong to SE. Akalara belongs to Dantesdarkqueen, the ficverse, Kandi, Ram and Katrina belong to Amazon Turk. **

**And the bar location this time belongs to Amazon Turk. Yep, its time for a visit to Poison. That is the name right? Right?**

**Paranoia over. Drunken Shenanigans begin!**

**

* * *

**The term staggered may have been an appropriate term to use in consideration to the group of women if not for one fact. The fact that at any given moment, anyone of them could kick your ass. 

And break every bone in a persons body, etc.

But it did not change the fact that they had consumed enough alcohol each to fell a rhino.

So when they approached the bouncer at poison it took a lot longer to walk in the door, because that required walking in a straight line. Not that the bouncer was a problem, in fact he was very helpful.

"So you two knew each other?" Yuffie asked Kandi.

"He used to be a bouncer at the honey bee inn." Kandi answered.

"You used to work there?" Tifa asked.

"So?" Kandi shot back. It was in the past, it didn't need to be fully brought back up to the surface of he memory.

"Nothing, just I almost had to work for your former boss, he got what was coming to him back then." She pumped her fist before breaking out in laughter remembering what Cloud went through that day. It was worth putting up with the pervert temporarily for that.

Kandi tried to piece the things together. There had been only two major cases of Don Corneo being assaulted. One resulted in his death at the hands of the Turks and Avalanche. The other was on a simple training mission. It was going to be her first assassination, Rude had teamed up with her for that mission only to find that all of his guards bar one had been killed.

"When was that?" Akalara asked.

"Before meteor fall. I had to interrogate him to get some information, so I went in as an applicant. So did Cloud."

"WHAT?" The Turks shouted.

"Yeah, spikey had to cross-dress to get in there and save Teef. Only thing was…"

"…He got picked to be the Don's companion for the night." All of the members of the group collapsed on the floor laughing. The image of Cloud in a dress was too much for them to take.

"Please tell me you have pictures of this…" Katrina gasped.

"They cost a lot of money." Tifa answered in a sing song voice.

"Meany." Ram said in a huff.

Elena was first to her feet and started to walk towards the bar, ordering seven martini's and shoving some of the people at the bar out of the way to make room.

"Saved you girls barstools." She said triumphantly holding up her drink.

"You didn't have to do that for us 'Laney, we could have easily kicked them out ourselves."

"Hey! You stole our spots!" Was the indignant shout from one of the girls who had been moved by Elena.

"Shit happens Barbie. Deal with it."

"Well said that ninja!" Congratulated Kandi. Another one of the girls tried a different tactic, she tried to get the attention of one of the bouncers.

"Hey can you get Blondie, that Green Bitch, her friends and Silicone Sue out please?" A thunderclap was heard, the music stopped playing, a deadly silence filled the air and the glass shattered in Tifa's hand.

"Umm… Turkeys? We should probably move away now." Yuffie whispered, trying to avoid looking at Tifa who was starting to shake a bit.

"Why?" Akalara asked.

"Well… you know what happened to Reno on their first encounter." The Turks nodded their heads in agreement, they had all seen the tapes. "That was because Reno initially thought Tifa's boobs were fake."

"So you're telling us that every time a silicone joke about her is made she goes completely physco?" Tifa was slowly walking over towards the girl who was trying to get them thrown out.

"Yeah, and if someone takes advantage of her sexually. Its like she turns into the incredible Hulk or something."

"No way am I missing this then," Kandi said, looking around to see if there was any popcorn, she had left her jacket at the apartment. "So is it just the person who made the bad call or is it general violence?"

"Depends if someone tries to interfere. Her normal fighting strength combined with her rage is like, seriously scary." Tifa tapped the person who had offended her on the shoulder. And punched her in the face, she went out like a light.

"Got 10 gil that says it turns into a kung-fu movie scene." Ram said as the bouncers tried to calm Tifa down as she was now lifting the poor girl up with one hand.

"You mean where everyone just gets involved but gets there ass kicked?" Akalara asked.

"Yup."

"I hope, your right," a third person that Elena had sent off the stools was finally standing up, directly in the Turk's line of vision. Akalara kicked her in the back of the head, sending her straight back down. "Don't make me miss any of this."

---

The seven women left the club moments before the fire engines arrived, none of them had a scratch. Although Tifa had managed to take out half

"Okay that's the second time we've set that place on fire and Tifa is over her berserk phase. Where to next?" Akalara asked.

"Karaoke!" Yuffie shouted.

"Why not? If they don't like our singing we shoot them." Kandi said in a laid back manner.

"Do we have to?" Ram groaned.

"Come on, we've got in a bar brawl, castrated a bartender. Yuffie dropped a shuriken in someone's drink, Katrina and Yuffie have played human dominos, what else can happen tonight?" Akalara asked.

"We could end up having an orgy?" Yuffie pondered.

"Gross!"

* * *

**I may be a slight bit evil (mwa-ha-ha!). Reviews and suggestions are greatly appreciated. I lost count of the number of bars they were supposed to go to but who cares? More humour.**


	5. Chapter 5

**One Drunken Night**

**Okay, writers block on all my other fics. And I mean ALL of them. "The Only One He Ever feared" and "No Good Can Come Of This" (note to self, make shorter titles for fics) both had a chapter in the pipeline but it didn't seem to work right. I blame my own inability for descriptive writing, and by that I mean the schools.**

**However I have been struck with inspiration for this fic so as a break from the scheduled drunkenness, a change in narrative to that of a flash back scene initialy. How did Joel get a camera in there anyway?**

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything except for the plot, a tire, a boot and a book of clichés**

**---**

"_Hey babe." Joel said, smacking the Turk in charge of the IT department on the rear._

"_Hey Joel. I know I'm hot but can you keep your hands off me, at least until Rude leaves the building. He's the jealous type." Kandi said smirking back at Joel._

"_Yeah, I know." Joel admitted, that party at Seventh heaven still clear in his mind despite the booze._

"_Fuck." The Amazon cursed_

"_Fuck what?"_

"_If you were interested with me you'd say I was worth the risk or some romantic crap. Guess I don't have powers over every man in the building." Kandi sighed, returning to the computer screen._

"_Powers?"_

"_Yeah. Like the ability to chose what men say and shit."_

_Joel just shook his head, maybe the human vending machine had spent a bit too much time around Niki than was considered a safe level._

"_Whatever. Listen could you do me a favour here?"_

"_What kind of favour?" Kandi asked, her interest having been piqued._

"_I need you to set up a miniature spy cam for me. Just a small one, something no-one will ever notice."_

"_A bit of voyeur in mind Joel?"_

"_Whatever. I just need it done." Joel said_

"_Please, I could do that blindfolded and with my hands tied behind my back." Kandi scoffed before turning to her danish._

"_So, you'll do it?"_

"_Hell yeah but you'll owe me one for this," A buzzing sound was heard, Kandi reached into her pocket and took out her phone "Hello, Amazon exterminator service, you tag 'em we bag 'em. Oh hey bossman. What? Shit, now? All right." She placed the phone back into her pocket and turned back to the mechanic._

"_What did the one with the stick up his ass want?"_

"_Some bull-shit about paper work, the guy is seriously anal about that stuff. Anyway, I got a program on a flash drive somewhere around here, it'll make it simple so you can do it yourself and get live feed to any monitor you want so long as you got a miniature drill and the small camera." Kandi explained._

"_Got it, see you around Kandi, oh and if Rude shows up, I did not smack your ass, okay?" Kandi left the office giggling._

So far that camera had turned out to be a waste of time and RAM. There hadn't been even a single pillow fight since it had been installed. Sure there was the nude footage of the Amazons but if he only wanted that, he could have hooked it up to the women's locker room, then he would have seen even more skin. Where were that lesbian orgies and catfights?

Joel sighed as he left Shin-ra HQ. The camera worked all through the night and recorded when someone was in the room. If there was nothing special he usually just deleted it. But it was still there, just in case.

But what was going to make tonight any different from the rest? He could only hope that they were really drunk off their asses. Karaoke singing drunk.

---

**A short chapter I know but next will be the Karaoke part of the crawl. And Joel, what little do you know**

**Reno: Hey! I don't go into gay bars. That was not cool man.**

**Me: You weren't, you just spotted the group and decided to follow them in case they got hurt.**

**Reno: Ohhh.**

**Me: Yeah, you're not gay Reno. Just Bi.**

**Reno: Hey…**

**Me: Review please.**


	6. Chapter 6

**One Drunken Night**

**A/N: Ah Karaoke, we arrive to it at last. I'd been kind of putting off this chapter because I wasn't exactly sure how to go about it. Then I realised something. When do I ever know how to go about something? I just wing it, its worked for my fics so far. So, Amazon Turk, tonight you will be singing 'Get Stoned' by Hinder. Badly. There may even be an assassination.**

**Disclaimer: In Soviet Russia, stuff no owns you! Jeez, that was lame wasn't it?**

**---**

"For the last time, no!" Akalara snapped

"Come on…" Kandi pleaded, it had taken twenty minutes to get Akalara to even enter a karaoke bar and she was not planning of letting the green-haired Turk get away so easy.

"No!"

"Come on..!"

"No, there is no way in hell I'm getting on that stage, I wouldn't be able to read the fucking lyrics!"

"Your no fun." Kandi said, pouting.

"Hey, if you want to go make an ass of yourself Vending machine, be my guest." Akalara said pointing to the stage where someone was trying to sing 'Never gonna give you up'. It was a catchy song but one that is downright awful if the voice isn't right, which it wasn't. Elena and Ram were giggling at how atrocious the man was at singing.

"Alright then, I will." She said curtly, the man had just finished (thankfully) and was shoved unceremoniously out of the way to make way for the streaked hair Turk. But she was determined not to do it alone.

Grabbing her two partners by the arm she dragged them on and selected her chosen song.

"Okay, are you ready to rock?!" She shouted down the microphone, "Because if your not, fuck you!" Flipping off the entire audience, she began. Using the other Turks dragged onstage as back up singers

"Just hear me out  
If it's not perfect I'll perfect it till my heart explodes  
I highly doubt  
I can make it through another of your episodes  
Lashing out  
One of the petty moves you pull before you lose control  
You wear me out  
But it's all right now  
Lets go home and get stoned  
We could end up makin love instead of misery  
Go home and get stoned  
Cause the sex is so much better when you're mad at me  
You wear me out _'We could end up making love instead of misery'_  
But it's all right now  
Without a doubt  
The break up is worth the make up sex you're givin me  
Lets hash it out  
Cause your bitchin and your yellin don't mean anything  
Don't count me out  
I can handle all the baggage that you're carrying  
You wear me out  
But it's all right now  
Let's go home and get stoned  
We could end up makin love instead of misery  
Go home and get stoned  
Cause the sex is so much better when you're mad at me  
You wear me out _'We could end up makin love instead of misery'_  
But it's alright now  
Lets go home and get stoned  
We could end up makin love instead of misery  
Go home and get stoned  
Cause the sex is so much better when you're mad at me  
Go home and get stoned  
We could end up making love instead of misery  
Go home and get stoned  
Cause the sex is so much better when you're mad at me  
You wear me out  
_'We could end up makin love instead of misery'_  
But it's all right now  
_'Cause the sex is so much better when you're mad at me'_  
Lets go home and get stoned  
Lets go home and get stoned  
Lets go home and get stoned  
Lets go home and get stoned."

However, in Kandi's excitement to get up on stage and perform (no doubt, down to the alcohol) she had forgotten that she can't sing for shit. The reaction of the live audience was not overall positive. Sure there where a few whoops and yells from Yuffie, but apart from the main group… it didn't go over too good.

One person in particular had caught Kandi's attention. He was wearing blue jeans with a black T-shirt and a bad hair-cut. Once the song had finished Elena managed to hear him pass some snide comments about Kandi's ability, the sort of talking-down that is usually found on a TV singing competition, where there's the judge who likes everything, a judge who's sort of fair, and the complete bastard.

"Say what?!" Kandi shouted when Elena passed over to her what he had said.

"Calm down girl, we don't need another bar fight, we're running out of places to be banned and then un-ban ourselves later from." Akalara said, preparing to have to restrain her friend.

"Who said anything about a fight? There a laptop anywhere around here?"

"Why would you want a laptop now?" Tifa asked, Kandi stirred, remembering that she wasn't just with the Turks. Although Tifa had torn up one of the most exclusive clubs in Edge, framing a music critic just so she could kill him was not the sort of thing to be planned.

"umm… no reason." Kandi said, trying to cover her tracks. _Okay girl, calm. Its only one person who hangs out at karaoke bars and make fun of the people performing because he has no life, no reason to try to get him offed._

"I didn't know this was a Karaoke bar for the deaf. Maybe they should put a sign up for that." The man commented, not to Kandi's face, but close enough for her to hear. _Calm down, Kandi. Resist the urge to castrate him and then rape him with his own dick attached to a mop._

"Can we just go now? I've wasted about 20 minutes of my life here and the beers not even good! Its like sex in a canoe, its fucking close to water! " Akalara complained. At least with the DDR machines, they were still slightly sober and were all talented enough not to make themselves look like a bunch of fools.

"And talk about the company she's keeping…" the critic started again. This time Yuffie's face went red with rage at some of the things he was saying, he was defiantly going down for that one.

"Hey Kandi," she whispered, "Don't worry about a thing, I'll cover you for this one." She said, indicating the man. Kandi smiled sadistically, sometimes it did pay to have someone in a high position of the WRO as a friend.

---

**Ahh… its done. That took longer than expected, hope you like it. And oh, any relevance of that critic to any real person, living or dead, is purely co-incidental. Put the lawyers away Simon.**


	7. Finale

**One Drunken Night**

_**Just when you think your right, your wrong.**_

**Well its been a wild ride in this ficverse so far. There's been angst, there's been smut. And there's been more slapstick comedy than any of those other factors. Ah.**

**This will be the last official chapter for this fic but I'm not putting up the completed sign. Why? Because now that I've done one set of outtakes the damn concept of them is contagious and as such there will be another set of outtakes.**

**Yeah, this was going to be the orgy chapter but I kinda wussed out of it. Don't hate me for it, I doubt many of my readers are that keen on Yuri smut anyway.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing except for the plot line which was devised in the many (ZAP)**

**Reno: He's… just sleeping.**

**---**

After 'dispatching' a certain someone who now was constantly looking behind him, the group of friends staggered back to whoever's place was nearest and had the most booze left in. This of course meant a trip to the apartment belonging to the Amazons.

Thanks to Ram's diligent efforts to keep her room-mates happy (read; not killing each other through withdrawal symptoms) by going out and actually buying the stuff they almost had an addiction to, booze for Katrina, mini chocolate donuts for Kandi, there was always something to eat and drink there. Perfect for crashing, sometimes literally, after a night out.

Katrina was the first to stumble through the door after unlocking it, falling to the floor a few steps later, making the other Turks as well as Yuffie and Tifa stumble over her and fall into a pile.

"Ha-ha!" Yuffie mocked to Katrina who was at the bottom of the pile of women.

"Geroff me!" Katrina shouted, trying to roll around in a vain attempt to escape.

"Now where's the booze? Aha." Yuffie said, smirking as she made her way over to the booze cabinet "Is it okay if I nick stuff out the fridge?" She asked.

At that moment in time, Kandi and Katrina seemed to develop super-human strength. Rolling the others off them they both lunged at Yuffie, tackling her to the ground.

"That's a… no then is it?" Yuffie asked before all three of them broke down into laughter, watching Elena, Tifa, Akalara and Ram get up off the floor.

"What?" Elena asked, swaying slightly.

"Nothing, its just-" Kandi managed before they broke out in laughter again.

"What's so funny?"

"Your…"

"My what?"

"your p… we can see your panties." Katrina said before rolling on the floor laughing.

"Fuck!" Elena cursed realising that her jeans that she had worn were now halfway down her legs displaying her yellow panties to the rest of the group.

"I don't think yellow suits you 'Laney. I know it matches your hair an' all but…" Akalara mocked, trying to hold back her own fit of the giggles as Elena pulled her jeans up, her face now deep red.

"Maybe you'd be better off with red." Tifa completed, using the coffee table for support.

"Shut the fuck up you two." Elena said, complete with an accompaniment of sarcastic 'whooooaaa's from the Amazons.

---

Joel hated the night shift in the Shinra building for many reasons. One was that the place was rumoured to be haunted by the ghosts of Hojo's former experiments. A rumour that has sparked many pranks among the workers in Shinra, not just the Turks.

Second was the fact that coffee and energy drink don't go together very well. It was a combination that was damn near lethal in large doses, in fact it had caused one target/victim to have a seizure. But unfortunately, he was getting around to that amount of the concoction where he should be thinking about writing a will before it became too late.

Third was the reason he was drinking the damn stuff in the first place. Night shift in the building was fucking boring. There was rarely anyone else there, even Tseng had given up for the night. But someone had to be there, and he drew the short straw today, twice.

First was for the night shift, and second was to organize the Turk movie night. He'd already picked out the Seventh Heaven as a potential venue and marked out some films. A couple of martial arts films with bad dubbing, action packed and comical at the same time! Also he had gotten a copy of the first Comtrex movie, the only good one of the trilogy. Sure the next two had good fights but… they defiantly weren't as good as the original movie.

But that was a couple of weeks away while the paper work on his desk had to be due in… about nine hours time.

His laptop binged to try and break the monotony, he had a new e-mail from Reno. Complete with a video link

_Dude, check this out. It's fucking hilarious!_

_RedHotRed_

Despite the fact he should really know better than to trust something sent by Reno he clicked the link. Giving him a pop-up with a video.

_We've known each other_

_For so long_

_Your hearts been aching but_

_You're to shy to say it._

Joel face palmed. He hated all these damn internet pranks. He tried closing it down but the window kept on dancing around the screen constantly. Sighing, he brought up the task manager and closed the internet browser from there.

Having nothing else to do to pass his time though he decided to take a gamble and brought up what his secret camera was recording.

He dropped his cup of coffee.

There were two, smoking hot women, making out in front of his eyes. Slowly removing their clothes. Joel's eyes were glued to the screen, despite the fact that his drink was burning a hole in his suit.

He quickly picked up a flash drive and placed it into the computer, making sure to save the footage onto the memory stick as well as onto his hard drive. The clothes were starting to come off now. He pushed his paper work aside and took one eye off what was happening to look at his right hand.

"It's gonna be one long night." He said to himself, placing his full attention back on what was unfolding on camera.

---

_Not the first time _she thought to herself, waking up in a strange bed. The blonde looked around at her surroundings, they looked as though they were in Ram's apartment, then she turned her head slightly to the left. _Oh fuck don't let this be what it looks like!_

There, sleeping next to her was Tifa, completely naked, in her arms. _Shit. They are real! _Elena thought after looking down at her newly acquired bed-mate.

She heard a yawn, to her it was like someone driving a chisel into her head, she turned to tell the person to shut up when she found it was Akalara. "Shit."

"El….Elena?" The green haired women asked. "Where are we, why am I naked? Ah! Fucking hangover"

"Don't talk so loud bitch" was the groggy response from Katrina, emerging the other end of the covers. Then her eyes went wide. "did…did we just have an orgy?" she asked, fearing the response.

Sure enough, still asleep on the floor were Kandi, Ram and Yuffie.

"Does… does this count as a booty call?" Elena asked, it was all she could think of at the time.

---

**And it's over! Iwould like to thank all the people who have reviewed this fic, thats Dantesdarkqueen, AmazonTurk, MysticSpiritus and BrokenAnzaran. Special thanks to Amazon and Queen for letting me use their OC's and finaly everyone else who reviewed 'Cue Rebounds'.**

**Stay tuned for the outtakes folks!**


	8. Outtake reel

**Outtake Reel**

**I believe it's that time of fic again where we must plunge deep into the workings of 21st maniac studios. To uncover what goes on behind the scenes of such hits as…**

**Me: Whoa whoa whoa. Who the hell are you?**

**???: Hey buddy calm down, I just got here**

**Me: So you think that gives you the right to do an introduction into my outtake reel? This isn't you've been framed. So get out.**

**???: Fine… (leaves)**

**Me: Ah, now that that problem's taken care of. There will now be more wit than an episode of faulty towers, more innuendo than Family Guy. And more general ignorance than QI. Well at least the last one's true…**

**---**

Akalara: So why are we back here again?

Me: Because you all signed extension contracts.

Akalara: Kandi…

Kandi: What? He said he needed those forms filled if we were ever get to do more smut here.

Akalara: So there's gonna be smut?

Me: Yes… in a manner of speaking.

Katrina: So who are we screwing? Vincent, Cloud, Sephiroth?

Akalara: Mine!

Yuffie: And why am I here again?

Tifa: Yes, you haven't actually explained this fic apart from the possibility of smut.

Me: Well… its starts off as drunken humour.

Tifa: So this is a spin off of Cue?

Me: Yes in a manner of speaking, it fits into chapter 3.

All the girls: WHAT?!

---

**I do believe I lost the use of one of my ears that day. Not a good start to the new fic.**

**---**

Leaving the seventh Heaven was the beginning of what was to be a long night for the seven ladies. 5 assassins, one ninja and a martial artist who has a chest that has lead to, let's say some unsavoury jokes involving silicone.

Tifa: What jokes about silicone?

Rest of cast: (Nervous whistling)

Tifa?

Me: Not it!

---

**Apparently Cloud was the last person to say 'Not it'. We were picking blonde hair out of the scenery for ages.**

**---**

"Then how come you got an orgasm after killing something?" Yuffie asked

"What?!" Tifa was really getting angry now.

"You know when Cait Sith was spying on you, whenever you pummelled something to a bloody pulp, you did that little stretch afterwards"

"I have to stretch my muscles after a fight to avoid, you know, cramps!" Tifa said defensively

"Then what about that look on your face, especially after you put Reno in that hold, I mean shit, I didn't know someone with such a big chest could be so agile. I couldn't fuck him for a month after that incident," Akalara said, ordering another set of shots before continuing "every time, you got the look on your face as though someone was going down on you."

"Wasn't just Reno either" Elena said " Yuffie is my witness to the fact that you also had 'fun' beating me to shit."

Tifa: I do not!

Me: Calm down Tifa, its just in the story. It's not necessarily true.

Tifa: (entering fists of fury mode)

Me: Oh shit.

---

**According to the doctor I woke up seeing, it was true.**

**---**

"Fuck girl, you've gotta teach me how to do that." Yuffie commented

"Nah, you're too flat." Katrina retorted.

"Oh you are so getting owned for that one."

"Bring it on."

"Its already brung."

Both girls paused for a moment at the ninja's last comment. "Lame."

Me: Hey don't blame me, I'm not the writer here.

Yuffie: Yes you are.

Me: Touché

Yuffie: Okay… (backs away nervously)

Me: The things I have to put up with for my art.

Yuffie: You're not an artist.

Me: Shut up Yuffie.

---

**And that's how I got this shuriken wound.**

**---**

3 bars down… a number yet to go. That was one of the problems with any sort of bar crawl. You loose count after the second… or was it the third… whatever, the point is you loose count on the number of bars you drink at. As well as forgetting which one was next on the list so it was not an uncommon occurrence to walk into the wrong bar.

Say accidentally walking into an all male gay bar for one thing.

Hey, it can happen!

Ram: The voice of experience there.

---

**Note to self; Kill off Ram's character for that remark**

**---**

"Hey, maybe this place isn't so bad. I mean look at all the guys here. They're so desperate for some action that they're making out with themselves!" Akalara said.

"I don't think they're practicing…" Tifa said.

"Oh." The Turks said in unison, realising what kind of bar this was.

"Oh…" Their tone picking up, indicating an interest.

"Ohhhh!" Now smiles plastering their faces, the imaginations running wild.

"Oh." They said dejectedly.

Reno: Giggity!

---

**Note to self; Also prevent Reno from watching anymore family guy. He's getting out of hand.**

---

The Turk charged into the scene, followed by the remainder of the Turks and Yuffie. They were just to eager for them not to have a fight. The drunks were quickly dealt with, not as fast as they would have done normally but bare in mind the copious quantities of alcohol consumed.

"Umm excuse me… they're picking up the tab." Tifa said to the barman, pointing towards the women who were decimating the regular patrons.

Elena: I ain't picking up no tab bitch! (Charges at Tifa)

Tifa: Bring it Turk. I've kicked your ass before and I'll do it again (they fight)

Cloud: (watching fight) um… isn't this the part where you tell them its not real and just part of the script.

Me: No… I think its good just to let them work this out of their system.

Cloud: Yeah

Me: I'm right.

Cloud: Yeah your right. (Both our heads tilt to the side to get better view at Tifa and Elena)

Me: Got any popcorn?

---

**No the tape was not recording for that take. Re did a re-take of that scene and binned the Elena and Tifa footage. Honest!**

**---**

"Hey can you get Blondie, that Green Bitch, her friends and Silicone Sue out please?" A thunderclap was heard

(nothing happens)

Me: I said "A thunderclap was heard!" (still nothing) Where's my damn thunderclap? Cut! Who's in charge of sound systems here?

Kandi: Um… didn't you put Kadaj there?

Me: Really? Then why isn't he? (Sees Kadaj being dragged away by rabid fan girls) ah. Kandi? Be a dear and phone his replacement. The one least likely to be carried away by rabid fan-girls. Prefereably not going to be carried off by rabid fan-girls.

Kandi: So your asking me to find a silver haired pretty boy who won't be carried away by rabid fan girls?

Me: Is that so hard?

Kandi: …

Me: Oh yeah…heh.

---

**So we sent Vincent to manage the sound system from now on. He lasted 20 minutes before being carried away by rabid fan-girls. Or was it Yuffie? What's the difference?**

**---**

"Yeah, and if someone takes advantage of her sexually. Its like she turns into the incredible Hulk or something."

Tifa: TIFA SMASH!

Me: not litterally Tifa, sheesh, if I knew you were going to be like this I would have revived Aeris(th). (Has barstool thrown at me) Ahh!

---

**Yeah, don't mention the A-word replacing the T-word. Take my advice on this. Not good. Sure they're best friends and all but they both have serious jealous streaks.**

**---**

"_Hey Joel. I know I'm hot but can you keep your hands off me, at least until Rude leaves the building. He's the jealous type." Kandi said smirking back at Joel._

"_Yeah, I know." Joel admitted, that party at Seventh heaven still clear in his mind despite the booze._

"_Fuck." The Amazon cursed_

"_Fuck what?"_

"_If you were interested with me you'd say I was worth the risk or some romantic crap. Guess I don't have powers over every man in the building." Kandi sighed, returning to the computer screen._

"_Powers?"_

"_Yeah. Like the ability to chose what men say and shit."_

Yuffie: 4th wall! You're breaking the 4th wall!

Me: and thus I say 'WTF is with her?'

Niki: The great Spiderroth shall consume all! (thunderclap)

Me: That's it I've had enough ADD for one day. Where's the secret booze which Tifa hasn't confiscated off me which I stole from AT productions got to?

---

**Still don't know where that last thunderclap came from. Vincent had already been kidnapped and I was sending the entire cast of FFVI to rescue Kadaj (he was under contract) so I didn't know who was controlling the sound at the time. I think 21st maniac studios is haunted.**

**---**

"Just hear me out  
If it's not perfect I'll perfect it till my heart explodes  
I highly doubt  
I can make it through another of your episodes  
Lashing out  
One of the petty moves you pull before you lose control  
You wear me out  
But it's all right now  
Lets go home and get stoned  
We could end up makin love instead of misery  
Go home and get stoned  
Cause the sex is so much better when you're mad at me  
You wear me out _'We could end up making love instead of misery'_  
But it's all right now  
Without a doubt  
The break up is worth the make up sex you're givin me  
Lets hash it out  
Cause your bitchin and your yellin don't mean anything  
Don't count me out  
I can handle all the baggage that you're carrying  
You wear me out  
But it's all right now  
Let's go home and get stoned  
We could end up makin love instead of misery  
Go home and get stoned  
Cause the sex is so much better when you're mad at me  
You wear me out _'We could end up makin love instead of misery'_  
But it's alright now  
Lets go home and get stoned  
We could end up makin love instead of misery  
Go home and get stoned  
Cause the sex is so much better when you're mad at me  
Go home and get stoned  
We could end up making love instead of misery  
Go home and get stoned  
Cause the sex is so much better when you're mad at me  
You wear me out  
_'We could end up makin love instead of misery'_  
But it's all right now  
_'Cause the sex is so much better when you're mad at me'_  
Lets go home and get stoned  
Lets go home and get stoned  
Lets go home and get stoned  
Lets go home and get stoned."

All the girls: SQUEEEEE!

Me: AHHH! My other ear.

---

**Shit, what was with those girls. I just mention Hinder and they explode in a Squeee-ing frenzy. If someone knows the answer to this please send it on a postcard to 21st maniac studios.**

**---**

However, in Kandi's excitement to get up on stage and perform (no doubt, down to the alcohol) she had forgotten that she can't sing for shit. The reaction of the live audience was not overall positive. Sure there where a few whoops and yells from Yuffie, but apart from the main group… it didn't go over too good.

Zack: I liked it.

Kandi: OMYGOSH! MINE! (Glomps Zack and drags off to stage 69)

Me: Huh, didn't think we had one of those installed.

Katrina: You didn't we just figured as long as we were here we might as well take stage 69 with us.

Me: Oh. (realisation dawning) Fuck! Get it back! Get it Back!

---

**Hopefully it was back before AT productions realised anything was missing. That was costly… I had to ask for favours from people I've never even met. The procedure cost 100 thousand gil, don't ask me how I got it, but its back there. Kandi and Akalara just have to put up with the walk, or car drive, or whatever now.**

**---**

(After recording the Orgy)

Me: Wow… that was brilliant ladies. Bloddy brilliant.

Kandi: Okay, now can we please re-affirm ourselves? I don't want everyone to think that we're lesbians.

Me: Zack's over there, go nuts. And Sephiroth is over there for you Ak. Vincent is there for Katrina, Reno's for Yuffie, Tseng for Elena, Cloud for Tifa. And that's everyone.

Ram: Ahem.

Me: Oh shit. Sorry Ram. couldn't get hold of Sage. You could join in with Yuffie or Kandi if you want to.

Ram: No. I'll be fine, I do not need sex to make myself feel relaxed about awkward situations that question my own sexual nature.

Me: We got Kadaj back.

Ram: Shotgun! (Dashes off to molest Kadaj)

Joel: So is this going t be in the final fic or what?

Me: Um… special… directors cut… edition?

Joel: Works for me.

---

**Heh, auctioning off that footage was the easiest million I'll ever make. Rufus has some deep pockets for certain items. I'll tell you that much.**

**---**

**Okay so there's the outtake reel done. I know its soon after the finale but Its now done and dusted. So thanks for reading.**

**This has been a 21st century maniac production. Please leave your sanity in the designated bin.**


End file.
